What is #givethanks?
Last year President Russel M. Nelson (prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) invited us to post something that we were grateful for on social media every day of the week leading up to Thanksgiving, and to share it with #givethanks (you can watch that announcement here). I had such a positive experience doing this last year, and wanted to continue on with the tradition. Social media, and the internet in general, is such a negative place, and it feels good to bring some light to it. Writing down my thoughts and feelings has always been a therapeutic outlet for me, but when my pen meets paper I'm often more inclined to narrate my plights and concerns before I consider my blessings. So, I have challenged myself to type up a quick blog post about something I am grateful for each day for the next seven days, even if it is just a short paragraph or a bullet point list of random items. I have so much good in my life, and it deserves to be recognized.
"Counting our blessings is far better than recounting our problems"
- Russel M. Nelson
day one: clarity
I am currently enduring my last semester of college. I love to learn, but it has always been a challenge for me. It doesn't take a lot for me to get overwhelmed and feel discouraged, however I did not want this to stop me for furthering my education. I wanted to prove to myself that I am more than I give myself credit for, and that I can accomplish those things that feel insurmountable to me.
The only word I can use to adequately describe my college experience is "claustrophobia". To me that past several years have felt like a long dark waterslide that I want so badly to get out of, but I can't. I can't tell which direction I'm headed, and I am unaware of every drop and turn until I meet them. I have yet to feel that satisfying rush of warm water that comes at the finish line, and I can't the light signaling to me that I am almost there. Turning around would not only be an admittance of my defeat, but it is a new battle I am unprepared to face, so I decide to perservere, doing whatever I can to to get to the end sooner so I can feel the sun on my face and take a breath of fresh air. My final semester has been no different than my previous eight. I mistakenly thought I would feel less anxious in my last fourteen weeks than I have before. I thought that I would feel more relaxed--more in control--but the outcome has been quite the opposite. I find that my panic attacks have become more frequent and my always-present fear of failure has left me feeling defeated day after day. Knowing I am so close to the end is thrilling, but knowing that one missed quiz or neglected assignment could potentially postpone my goal to graduate is nerve-wracking.
Just a few nights ago I sat down to work on a project for one of my classes, and after six hours of Google searches, zoom calls with tutors, and silent prayers, I still had not made a dent in my effort to complete it. Exhausted and frantic I retired to my bed in attempt to escape the strains from the day. Wanting nothing more than to scream my frustations into my pillow and pound my fists in the wall, but not wanting to disturb my tired husband, I let out quiet tears of discouragement accompanied by a heartfelt plea to my Heavenly Father for any help He could give, and eventually fell asleep. I woke up early the next day. Equipped with puffy eyes and a new-found confidence I got out of bed to see the sun already rising at 6:30 A.M. (something that only a few days prior would have been impossible, but because daylight savings is now the new normal). As I showered and got ready for the day I strategized on how I was going to complete the task ahead. Laughingly shaking my head, I recounted the many errors that I had made the night previous when I was letting my emotions get the better of me. Once I had the time I sat down and was able to finish and submit my satisfactory assignment before noon. The clarity that came from a good nights rest felt nothing shy of a miracle to me on that day. So, today I feel grateful for new days, for new opportunities and the chance to start again. Ultimately I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who answers our prayers, even the prayers that come from irrational thinking and tired minds. I am grateful for the sun He sends in the mornings that drowns out the darkness of the night, but mostly I am grateful for the Son He sent long ago who has drowned out the darkness of lonliness, weakness, sin, and suffering. God is good. Life is good.